"Leap of Faith and into His Will" by Mary LaFrance

February 7, 2006, I had an appointment with Dr. Gotkowitz at the clinic. She was a radiation doctor that Dr. Brouns wanted me to see, to see if I would change my mind about radiation. I was sitting in the exam room, and the doctor came in shortly. She barely introduced herself and then as she rifled through my chart, she began the visit with these words, “I see from your medical history, that you’ve been dealing with the most aggressive kind of breast cancer. Just know that at your age, if the cancer comes back, you can not have anymore chemo or radiation. You breasts will simply have to be removed and with luck you might survive.” You can imagine the stirring up her statements created inside of me. I looked at her, and thanked her for asking me how I was, (sarcasm here), and politely told her this visit was over. She tried to explain that she had much more to say and a lot of information. I said, “No thank you, you’ve made yourself perfectly clear. I think you probably need to go back to school and take the course “Bedside Manners 101″ over again and again. I find you to be blunt and insulting. This is my life and it’s not about you. I am leaving and you won’t see me ever again. I’ll be praying for you because you need it desperately.” I got up off the exam table, grabbed my purse and immediately went to the scheduling desk and told them to remove her as my radiation doctor and to please put an alert on there that said I never wanted to see her again. I agreed to meet with Dr. Schneider the next week, but I was still leaning on not having the radiation at all.

Lord, I need more of your wisdom, clarity and the vision to make the right decisions for my health and myself regarding radiation. My heart says, “No” but I’m asking You to go before me and my next appointment. Please clear up my vision and abide by what You feel is best, and help me to stay out of your way…Amen

February 13, 2006, today is Aliceson’s 20th birthday. I wouldn’t get to see her today, but I pray she is covered with an abundance of God’s blessings.

February 17, 2006, started Taxol and Herceptin. I also met with Dr. Schneider. What a change of attitude that was so refreshing compared to the nightmare I had experienced with Dr. Gotkowitz!!!! Dr. Schneider was a gentle spirt, smiling and friendly, and above all very knowledgeable in his field. God used him to explain in layman’s terms what the radiation would do, be like, and he answered all of my questions. By the end of my appointment, I agreed to have the 2 months of radiation that would begin in April.

My last chemotherapy appoint to receive Adramycin and Cytoxin. I looked around the room, and there in the distance sat 2 of my classmates from high school. I walked over and spoke to them, and they were just as in shock that I was there. We sit together and went down memory lane. Jeff was fighting throat cancer and Linda was fighting stomach cancer. Unfortunately, they both lost their battle within the next 2 months. I was thankful for the 2-3 times we could sit together, visit, and I could share my prayers with them, telling them that Jesus had prepared a place for each of us in Heaven. We only need to accept Him as Lord and Savior, ask forgiveness of our sins, and received Him into our heart. Linda had made that commitment, but I never did quite know if Jeff had done the same.

Within the next 3 months, I sang for 4 funerals of friends who passed away, continued on with my new chemotherapy drugs, and kept working as life was busy, and I wanted it to stay that way. By this time, my feet and hands are experiencing neuropathy, numb and tingling 24/7. It was difficult at times to use the computer, play my guitar or even write something with a pen. So, I prayed more and asked God to help me adjust to these new elements I was having, to be grateful and be gracious, living life to the fullest and not complaining.

March 11, 2006, I went to the Breast Cancer Convention with my friend Candice Leonard, who was a 2 time breast cancer survivor. It was there that I met a lady named Toni Mountain. She was the chapter president for the Portland, OR division of the Susan G. Komen Foundation. She was a middle-aged, spitfire and her own breast cancer story was tremendous. She did not hesitate to ask me if I ever thought about becoming a motivational speaker for the foundation. I laughed immediately and told her that public speaking was not my forte’ and thanked her for the offer. Candice looked at me and shook her head. She said, “How in the world do you get up and sing in front of hundreds or thousands of people, but you refuse to speak in public?” I told her that with music, you memorize the words and music, and when you sing it just flows automatically. When you speak in front of people, you have to stop and think about what you are saying, or going to say. I have a great fear of that, and always have had. I always feel like I”m going to faint, throw up, and/or wet my pants all at the same time, and it doesn’t matter if it’s just a few people or a huge crowed. So, the answer is still “no” I won’t become a motivational speaker for the Susan G. Komen Foundation, the end.

However, God said, “Really? Just watch what I can do and you are going to change your mind.” Within a few voicemails, emails and a letter in the snail mail, Toni convinced me to join the ranks of the motivational speakers. I still can not believe it to this day, but it happened by God’s will and plan. She sent me to my first speaking event at Oregon Health Sciences University, on a Saturday morning. She told me there would be about 40-50 people to listen. That was about 45 people to many in my book. I had my laptop, the PowerPoint presentation on CD and my notebook to follow along with what information I was to present. I arrived and found the auditorium to set up. I thought it was funny that they had chosen to give me such a huge room. I soon learned why. The group of attendees for my talk was around 400-500 people! Yikes! My stomach began to feel not so good, but I knew I couldn’t get out of this and had to power through the presentation. There were nurses, doctors, professors from the school and others. God was teaching me a valuable lesson about really leaning on Him and nothing else. The talk went okay I guess, but I certainly felt inept in my delivery. I spent a total of 3 years as a motivational speaker. I only quit when I learned that the CEO of the Susan G. Komen Foundation had given herself a fat raise. That was it for me. Taking donated money and filling her pockets was a travesty and I wanted no more part of it.

In March, I received my “tattoo” markings that would help the radiation technician align the machine up to correctly give me the radiation treatment. I would go for radiation Monday to Friday, every week, for 8 weeks, beginning in April and ending in May. Those 6 little dots of ink, hurt worse than anything I ever experienced! I simply gritted my teeth with each little tattoo dot that needed to be placed on my body. Dr. Schneider said I could start rubbing 100% aloe vera gel on my chest, neck and ribcage prior to starting treatment. It MIGHT keep my skin from burning and keep the skin pliable. I did this faithfully 3 times a day about 6 weeks before my treatment began. God was providing yet another miracle on my behalf. It was working. From April 2nd to May 25th, I had completed my radiation. My skin had gotten tan, not burned, and Dr. Schneider laughed and told me I look like a chocolate/vanilla ice cream cone…LOL

When Dr. Schneider realized I was an avid golfer, he gifted me with a dozen very expensive Callaway golf balls. I was so surprised and he said, “Well, there is another surprise. I have taken 3 of the golf balls, and given them 10,000 RADS of radiation. It makes the golf balls fly further when you hit it. Take them and go try it.” My plan was to go golfing with Leon that weekend, and I would take my “high powered” friends with me. Sure enough, the first tee shot I hit, it sailed straight down the fairway about 300 yards. Leon stood there with his mouth open and said, “Wow, what have you done?” I quickly thought and said, “Well, I’ve had to change my stance since my surgery, and maybe that is the improvement.” Oh, I felt like a female Pinocchio, but I would let him in on the secret eventually…hee hee. We played the first 9 holes, and I had 4 pars, 3 birdies and 2 bogeys. Leon was still shaking his head at my improvement. I couldn’t contain the secret and told him what my doctor had done. He said, ‘No way! That can’t be!” I told him yes it was and if he didn’t believe me he could call my doctor himself. I played the back 9 with regular golf balls, and still did fairly well. But, that was a hilarious and funny moment we had shared on the golf course.